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| A personal journey through academic anxiety and the path to self-acceptance. |
In my childhood, I was a typical student, getting A+ grades like many other children. However, as I progressed through school, my grades began to decline. I used to see studies as just a way to pass time, but later, I realized the importance of the words written on paper.
My Journey Through School
- Early Years & The Decline: My grades started to decrease from class 2, and by class 5, I was just an average student with below-average grades. It didn't bother me much since the subjects I was most interested in were still going well. Each new class brought anxiety, making me fear that it would be harder than the previous one. By 8th grade, I was so anxious about my future that I doubted whether I would even pass. Fortunately, when COVID struck, I was promoted to the next class without an exam.
- The Turning Point in 9th Grade: I was moved to class 9 without a strong foundation, which made it challenging to keep up. I was pretty laid-back, spending my time watching anime, eating, and sleeping. When final exams came, I hadn't studied all year and failed badly in math. The school gave me one last chance. With the help of a college student who tutored me, I began to take my studies seriously.
- Finding My Footing: My tutor was strict and blunt, but this pushed me to study harder, and gradually, my basics became clearer. I'm thankful to him for helping me develop the habit of writing journals, which I still do. Although I met the school's requirements in 10th grade, I wasn't satisfied with my marks. My 10th-grade report card still reminds me that I should have studied more.
- New Challenges in Senior Secondary: I managed to achieve good grades in 11th grade, thanks to a supportive statistics teacher. I struggled to focus at home due to living in a noisy, crowded area. Worried about my results, I quietly stayed at my cousin's house. Despite ranking 3rd in my class, I was still unsatisfied. Over time, I attended tuition less frequently as my physical health began to suffer.
- The Final Year and Acceptance: My final year of school was difficult. By October, I was in no condition to study, and my grades started to slip. Despite all the challenges, I managed to get decent grades in 12th grade and secured admission to a good college. My parents were surprised by the result, as they weren't expecting me to pass. Although I'm still not completely satisfied with my grades, I've accepted them and started working towards my new goals with determination, focusing on doing my best without any expectations.
I carried a lot of guilt and pressure throughout my school years, but I understand now that life often throws challenges our way, and sometimes we might feel overwhelmed or dissatisfied with our progress. However, it's important to keep moving forward, even when the path is difficult. Embrace your journey, learn from your experiences, and don't be too hard on yourself. Success isn't always about getting perfect grades or meeting every expectation—it's about doing your best, learning from your struggles, and continuing to grow. Focus on your goals, work hard, and accept that setbacks are part of the process. Keep going, and you'll find your way.